Thursday, July 19, 2012

Sweet Disposition

Do you know that feeling where everything you've planned suddenly falls apart right in front of your eyes as if there were thousands of poker card was arranged as a building, just because of a swish of wind blew it down, everything fell into pieces. Everything went down, your hopes, your dreams, yourself. I am facing that feeling again. I am having my trainwreck moment and I couldn't fight it. But this isn't over.

I've been moving schools so many times just because of people hate me. They detest seeing me. And I don't know why and what's wrong. I believe some people need to have a humanity emotions sometimes. It'll be good if everyone can tag along and play together instead of jerking off each other.

All hell break loose and I am nowhere to be found. I'll try to run away but it will always hunt be down. As my current playlist is on said, Don't Hide Yourself. I'm not going to hide myself. I am going to face this fucked up situation and deal with everything with my middle fingers up to all those haters. I am me, irreplaceable and ironically fucked.

I do wonder,  what if I was bad? Hah, perhaps all of this wouldn't happen. Like my friend would say to me, arrive heart you.  It's a direct translation from a Malay phrase, sampai hati kau.  And that's not going to happen again in a million years. I am a Christian and I know my limits. I had put up with you for a long time now. And I am going to shut you up for good. Invaded you haven't notice, I am from motherfucking Miri.  

Incase you haven't noticed, Miri is a city. And you, look at yourself, pathetic. Just another city girl wannabe. Copying what other people would do, for what? Attention? Please. Go walk around naked and get all the attention you could asked for. You even criticized your own family. You walk around with your big mouth and saying things about your sister. She have her own fucking reputation and dignity, you bitch. You're jealous because she is better than you. You're jealous because she is the apple of your parent's eyes.

Yes, I am not smarter than you. I didn't get straight A's for PMR. So what, I have my own problems and I didn't bother shouting out saying I should get straight A's. I am grateful for my own result as I knew what had happened to me in the past. It's not your business. So scram.

I'm back now. And I am not gonna leave until SPM is over for sure.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

And it kills me from the inside.

This feeling for you grow inside of me.
I've never felt this way before.
You gave me hope, and I was sure that it was mine.
All mine, forever and always.

Your smile was engraved perfectly in my mind.
Your voice was playing on repeat in my ears.
Your scent was filling me in out of nowhere in my nose.
You were everything to me.
I'd give the world for you.
Along with my heart and soul.

But now,
All I see in your eyes are pools of lies.
You were manipulative,
You hurt me from the inside.

You played my heart as if it was another monopoly game.
It was your round,
You had guesses and you had your chances.
But you blew it, like you always did.

I will try to forget you.
And memories of our moment together will slowly fades away from my mind.
How I wish I have an amnesia and forget whatever had happened between us.
Its going to be hard.
But I am already on my way.
And it kills me from the inside.