Ultimately

We all know how to laugh

We know how to cry

We know how to be held tight

We know how to love back

And we all know heartbreak.

But world keeps moving

And we keep moving with it.

And everything we experience

Makes us realise

How beautiful life

Really is.

So this is it?

It has been almost a month I've been in Kuching and there were a lot of things happened to me and I dont know how to handle everything well. I'm trying to keep calm all the time but sometime, I argue and rebels with myself. University life is an upgrade in life where everything seems different. Things that we used to know is suddenly different in another perspective which is kinda bad because we do not know anything at all. I must admit that I miss my home. I miss my family, and I miss free foods. The cafe food are just too expensive and not really delicious. I'd rather eat fired egg with rice. :x




Dewan Kuliah.

Lakeside Cafe.

Desa Ilmu with The Summer in the right!

So for the Pre-University students, we live in the East Campus which is seriously way to different than the West Campus. West Campus got everything! From bowling alley, golf course and even 7-Eleven. And us on the other hand have only one option of cafe that serves the same kind of food everyday. But no worries, Desa Ilmu is not that far as well as The Summer Mall! Summer Mall claimed to have the biggest food court in Sarawak. As for my Saturday opening day trip to The Summer, I must say that only 20% of the stores are open. Yet, I am excited to see them fully occupied. So, as for food lover like moi, you can always head for DI (as we called it) for more variety of foods! p.s: Do try Nasi Ayam Mak Entek!

The girls dorm. Kolej Seroja Blok B.

My daily view, which is awesome! I got to see the clouds and skies!

Kolej Seroja is the only kolej for pre-university students. Its dorm style. Girls have 2 blocks and 4 wings with 4 roommates in each room. But from what I heard, none of the girls have more than 2 people in each room. Just like the boys as well. The room is quite small but it is enough. I think? My room is a trainwreck since I used most of the space. Yes, Im fat, so? Does that even bothers you?

So, being in a new place, you've gotta have friends. You cant live without one and I met a lot of long lost friends and even new ones! Looking forward for more memories to keep and cherish. So here are a few pictures to feast your eyes. And make my post looks longer :3

Angeline and El!

Sofea.

El.

Them gurlies!

The lovely Emma and Isthera (Rara)

 Samantha, and we both didnt noticed that we were photobombed!

Farah and Ferlicia.

Rach Ivyyyyyyyy! Lol, I miss this little bij :')

The Tiger 12 group :'D

Oh yeah, I have this sakai-ness towards brenoverlays effect and 

HELLO FAT CAT!

Till next time people!
x's,
Bryan Marshall.

WE SHALL WELCOME THE UNIVERSITY LIFE.

Yes, I've been neglecting my blog for so long and I've come back once again for a debut? Anyway, eversince my last blog entry, my life was pretty much boring and suck. As for my SPM result, it was not as how I imagined it will be. I didnt get the course that I really wanted but atleast I got an offer from a university. UNIMAS to be exact. The thing is I really wanted the Foundation for TESL course but I got Foundation for Physical Science instead. Which was my second choice. I would die if I got anything related to Biology since I'm not a big fan of those thingy. Not planning to be a doctor or anything related w blood anyway!

So, MAP will start by the 4th of June which is by next week on Tuesday until Saturday. But the truth is, I cannot wait to get start studying. Did I forgot to mention that I was in Form 6 for only less than 2 weeks? Well, yes. I was attending Form 6 at SMK Bintulu, and it was an awesome 2 weeks experience for me.

AND I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD FOR UNIVERSITY AND STUFF! BLOG WILL BE UPDATED TILL I AM DONE WITH MAP THINGMAJING!

Shit, I havent start packing yet. :X

Audrey Hepburn

 

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

HASHTAG YOU

Holding on is tough. Much tougher than letting go or simply quitting.

Every hello will immediately end with the hardest goodbye as we all knew it. For every beginning, the hardest ending will knock you down, at least for the ones that truly give and take. I'm not good in a relationship, since I doesnt have your experiences, but I know that when it doesnt feel right, YOU'VE GOT TO GET THE HELL OUT!

It's like, if the shoe doesnt fit, get your foot out of it. Its either its too huge or too small. Too huge will make you look like a clown, while if it is to small it will make you look like you're having a constipation and that little black/brown/yellow baby is gonna pop out soon.

So, its either it feels right or not! Follow your heart, listen to your instinct.

Nevertheless, a broken heart will make you even stronger. Just remember who you are! And show it to them!

2013 starts with a bang!

I know it maybe too late for this but it doesnt hurt so, A VERY HAPPY 2013 to everyone! Looks like the mayans had been trolling all of us after all! nice prank you guys!

Hello there and a very big sorry for not been filling you guys in for more than a month. I think I've lost my interest in blogging. Or maybe the fact that there's nothing much going on around here. But I've been hardcore on Twitter and Facebook though. So fuck my boring routine. I've been eating a lot, online a lot, sleeping a lot. Which everything is not entirely what I had planned and bear in my mind before. Let me tell you guys, after SPM life is LIFELESS. Maybe some of you would think that life would pretty much amazing and OH-SO-COOl after SPM life but the truth is, nothing is what as it seemed. I used to think that it'll be cool, but no, its boring! Enough with the rambling and I'm going to start what I've been up to lately.

So, I've coloured my hair a dark brown and I must say that I am in love with my hair. I cant stop looking in the mirror when I first got my haired. It was bleached dyed and it has amazing colour. Mind me for my exaggerating comment on my hair, after all, its my hair. I can say whatever I want to, no offence.

I dont really have a lot of things going on lately but I'll be attending my driving course soon, and I'm pretty much looking forward for it.

Yes, my blog is boring and so does me.  

Love defeats All

SPM is finally over and I am finally no longer a high school student and I'm kinda glad its over.

This post is for that special someone.
BOLD, ENLARGE, UNDERLINE

You, yeah you. Please be nice and take extra good care of my heart. Its fragile and it needs to be handle with tender and care. I knew, and you knew that we like each other but I am still uncertain of it. I need you to show me something. I'm ready for anything, as long as we're together.

I've fallen for you for too long, and I want you to be mine. To tell you the truth, I was completely fallen head over heels for you. I'll always sit by the class window just to take a glimpse of yours and whenever I does, I'll keep on smiling the whole day through. Whenever I went outside of my class, my eyes bewildered to look for your appereance. I guess this is what they called as LOVE DRUNK, I'm completely in love with you.

There was the part where both of us fought. The 3 month silent treatment was killing me. I didnt knew how it went wrong, but I always wished I could turn back time and take back whatever I had said that hurt you.

But now, everything is back to normal again, and I want to stay this way forever, with you and only you.

"Depression opens the door to beauty of some kind. " 

- James Hillman

The day when its over.

So basically, I broke my promised of not blogging till SPM is over. Well, its not woth the wait. There are thousands of things had been going on and it seems so unworth it if I didnt express it here, on my blog.

Here it goes,

I dont know how or when or why, but things are out of my hand. Everything just simply gone wrong. Its just a huge mess and I dont have the right gun to shoot the right problem, if you get what I mean. And everything is clouding my mind at once. I just couldnt think rationally for a moment and did the worst decision of all, start smoking. That was good, for a moment. It helps to get my mind off on some things. At least my head wont ache for a long time thinking about stuff I shouldnt think about and let it flow by it owns. Apparently, it wasnt the way I wanted it to be. It's seems out of rail. Another trainwreck, I assumed. No worries, I stopped.

I dont believe in love, I always do and I still does. Love is a temporary happiness that comes with side-effects, PAIN, DEPRESSED, HEART-BROKEN, WORTHLESS and just simply, UNHAPPY. Seriously, I'll be happy to be left out of this LOVEGAME. It's not worth it.

SPM is in a month. I have no preparations and I expect myself to have good results but ironically, SUCCESS WITHOUT EFFORTS? DREAM ON! So, I had studied a little, and I'll keep on improving? Shit, my second trial is next week :( A BIG BIG BIGGGG BOOOOOOO! 

So, the main conclusion is,

I NEED TO GET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT! 

2 Months more.

Okay, I'll be on a hiatus mode for a really long time. SPM is getting near and I am scared to shit. Like seriously. I might die soon enough. All this stress had been getting on my nerves and I havent studied a thing. That is so not cool -.-

B.Marsh.

Stay In The Cloud

The way your lips declared, it was uncertain.

The way your eyes stared, it was lifeless.

I knew it was going to be over soon.

Fast enough, that you won't even fret.

I asked you a question,

and it was your answer I begged.

But it wasn't a happy ending of a fairytale,

it was another series of unfortunate events.

This is reality,

and the truth hurts.

I would rather stay in my fantasy, 

and play make believe.

I choose to stay in the cloud,

as everything is shady and unknown.

I'll end your suffering.

I dont know where it went wrong but I knew that it wasnt my mistake. It was yours. I had given you the chance to fix everything but you said you didnt know how to fix everything. You're pretty much screwed. You've played my emotion and my heart. I was the one that loves you, and always standing by your side. Too bad you didnt see any of that. You were too foolish.
I was so freaking dumb to believe in you. There is just something about you that made me pretty sure that we'll have forever. But unlike Bella and Edward, they'll have enternity to love. But ours, forever ended straight away.
I wish I could turn back time and press a pause button. I wanna freeze that moment of us together. I couldnt afford to lose it. Tell me now, tell me you love me. It isnt hard, just say it. Three words, eight letters, say it and I am yours forever.

Sweet Disposition

Do you know that feeling where everything you've planned suddenly falls apart right in front of your eyes as if there were thousands of poker card was arranged as a building, just because of a swish of wind blew it down, everything fell into pieces. Everything went down, your hopes, your dreams, yourself. I am facing that feeling again. I am having my trainwreck moment and I couldn't fight it. But this isn't over.

I've been moving schools so many times just because of people hate me. They detest seeing me. And I don't know why and what's wrong. I believe some people need to have a humanity emotions sometimes. It'll be good if everyone can tag along and play together instead of jerking off each other.

All hell break loose and I am nowhere to be found. I'll try to run away but it will always hunt be down. As my current playlist is on said, Don't Hide Yourself. I'm not going to hide myself. I am going to face this fucked up situation and deal with everything with my middle fingers up to all those haters. I am me, irreplaceable and ironically fucked.

I do wonder,  what if I was bad? Hah, perhaps all of this wouldn't happen. Like my friend would say to me, arrive heart you.  It's a direct translation from a Malay phrase, sampai hati kau.  And that's not going to happen again in a million years. I am a Christian and I know my limits. I had put up with you for a long time now. And I am going to shut you up for good. Invaded you haven't notice, I am from motherfucking Miri.  

Incase you haven't noticed, Miri is a city. And you, look at yourself, pathetic. Just another city girl wannabe. Copying what other people would do, for what? Attention? Please. Go walk around naked and get all the attention you could asked for. You even criticized your own family. You walk around with your big mouth and saying things about your sister. She have her own fucking reputation and dignity, you bitch. You're jealous because she is better than you. You're jealous because she is the apple of your parent's eyes.

Yes, I am not smarter than you. I didn't get straight A's for PMR. So what, I have my own problems and I didn't bother shouting out saying I should get straight A's. I am grateful for my own result as I knew what had happened to me in the past. It's not your business. So scram.

I'm back now. And I am not gonna leave until SPM is over for sure.

And it kills me from the inside.

Slowly,
This feeling for you grow inside of me.
I've never felt this way before.
You gave me hope, and I was sure that it was mine.
All mine, forever and always.

Your smile was engraved perfectly in my mind.
Your voice was playing on repeat in my ears.
Your scent was filling me in out of nowhere in my nose.
You were everything to me.
I'd give the world for you.
Along with my heart and soul.

But now,
All I see in your eyes are pools of lies.
You were manipulative,
You hurt me from the inside.

You played my heart as if it was another monopoly game.
It was your round,
You had guesses and you had your chances.
But you blew it, like you always did.

I will try to forget you.
And memories of our moment together will slowly fades away from my mind.
How I wish I have an amnesia and forget whatever had happened between us.
Its going to be hard.
But I am already on my way.
And it kills me from the inside.

And this will be a pictureless post.

hello again.

and today is 21st of june.i'm not looking foward for tomorrow, i still wanna be sixteen :( age dilemma. anyways, i am still in kuala lumpur. staying at this huge apartment at Darby Park, as my foursquare show it. and everything is so far so good. i just want to shop a lot. perhaps sogo and petaling street would treat me nice tomorrow.

gosh, thats it? i dont have any idea what am i supposed to type about. hehe, sorry vitches!

Tell me what to do.

Hello dear blogger! Its been a long long long long time since my last post. I am sorry for the circumstances, I've been really busy! Btws, its June already. And I am goin to turn 17 soon, this coming Friday for sure. Hmmm, I'm getting older. Shizz, I need botox. LOL, as if! I've gotten myself a tab, an improvement? And I am really loving it.

So, my Semester 1 was good indeed. I improved and that is a good sign right? Well, it is for me.

Anyways, I am on Instagram nowadays and please, please follow me!

Much loves,
BarbieMars

And I miss those old days

a pretty old picture of me. 

pathetic? up to you.

Your voice was all I need.

Hello now and this is going to be a short post since I am running out of time and I have my Semester 1.

So yes, Semester 1 had started and I was wondering what the fuck had I learnt for the past 4 months. Honestly, my brain is not functioning well enough but hey I am trying my best to ace that test. Atleast my mid term was okay, now I am trying to keep up my result and probably mantain a few. Pheww. Anyway I am really in need of a holyday. So this sumer vacation will be it!

SABAH AWAITS.

Wake me up when its over.

Hello once more, and this is going to be oh well, a medium post.

As you all know it, my Black-fucking-Berry got stolen and I am so pretty fucking pissed to the fucking max. Please do ignore my French. What I am trying to say here is, my BlackBerry is my life. Shit. And now I am left with no phone so I am pretty much screwed. I need a new phone. A BlackBerry for sure.

Moving on, so my study went very well. I tried to finish my homeworks on time tho :) and I am always early to school. But hell, I got lotsa stuff to do even I had quit the Solar Car. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this big baby aint going to go for Solar Car no more. now, I have time to concentrate on my studies, my prefects (well, I am the Timbalan Ketua Pengawas :( ) and also my deary Young Catholic Students organisation in my school. I am hoping for this things went well.

So thats all? I dont know what to type in more. Errr, my blog is getting weird, dontchu think so? Yadayadayadddaaaa.